I’ve been outspoken in the past (and will continue to be) about not asking women “when are you having kids?”. The question itself makes a number of assumptions and places women in a lose-lose situation in their response with so many circumstances and emotions in play. While I’ve varied my answer to that very question in the past, my husband, Drew, and I have always been ok with the idea of not having kids but always said “if it happens, it happens”.
Well, shocked as we were to find this out: it’s happening. We found out a few weeks ago that I am pregnant with a baby boy!
We are now 18 weeks along and he is doing great so far; healthy size and heartbeat, nailed the genetics testing, and being very considerate of me especially now that we are in the second trimester. The first went by with nausea and strong fatigue, but I really can’t complain as he’s been pretty easygoing so far. (Knocking on wood now.)
Much like asking the question about when I was planning on having kids, the reactions and subsequent conversations/questions after divulging our news has been…a lot. There are a million thoughts constantly running through my brain and emotions going wild. But at the end of the day, the hardest thing for people to understand will be this: I never saw myself having kids and now I am in a position of having one and that has taken a long period of adjustment with more to come. This was not planned. This was something we had to talk about as a partnership when we found out. And sometimes it is hard for me to match the level of excitement this announcement generated in others who expect some emotionally-driven and overly giddy reaction from me that I just can’t quite mirror. My reaction is more private and in my own way.
To give some perspective, my siblings and I were never raised to seek marriage and children. Our priority from our parents was to be self-reliant, independent, educated people who respected others. That’s it. My sister and I did not grow up dreaming of our wedding day or being pregnant. (Thank god for that because it kept me from going bankrupt with an extravagant wedding.) But it also means that when these bigger life moments have happened, I’m more logical than emotional in my reactions and approach to them. This can come off as cold to some, but to me those are moments that I do cherish just in a different way than others may. As an introvert, I’m less interested in the attention that comes along with those moments, too.
I don’t say this to say that I am unhappy with being pregnant. On the contrary. I know how lucky I am to have the ability to be pregnant and have a healthy little boy developing. But I do say it to explain that my journey and feelings about this are going to be different than others’ (and there’s will be different than mine). We each handle any life moment differently and uniquely based on our own emotions, experiences, and circumstances. I’m happy to be able to share mine, but know this isn’t a “one size fits all” story and never should be.
All that said, we get to meet this little man in April and figure out what this parenting thing is all about!
